I did not make these up. They are old standards. Feel free to use them.
Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer? He fell in the sink!
What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane? ME!!!
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What has a bottom at the top? Your legs!
Where does a general keep his armies? Up his sleevies!
What do you call a grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What did one flea say to the other as they left on a date? “Shall we walk or take the dog?”
What is a shark’s favourite game? Swallow the leader.
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
What did the 0 say to the 8? “Nice belt.”
Why couldn’t the sailors play cards? Because they were standing on the deck!
What did the late cannibal say to his dinner date? “I hope we get there before everyone’s eaten.”
And finally... Did you hear about the writer who dropped ten stories into a waste basket and lived?
Notice how each punch line ends in an exclamation mark? That's to simulate your hysterical laughter. If you don't know which part of the joke is supposed to be funny, use the exclamation mark as a guide.