Catherine Austen
Creative Writing
Stupid Procrastination Attempts
Did your need to procrastinate ever lead you to a really dumb decision?
In the middle of writing a key scene in my novel this morning, I decided I needed a haircut. Of course this was simply a ploy from some twisted part of me to stay away a while longer from my computer. I really dread writing this scene.
I lingered in front of the mirror, bemoaning my wrinkly forehead and arched eyebrows (which I plucked twenty years ago in another procrastination effort, and they just never grew back), and I decided I could use some bangs.
These are the moments when I wish I’d posted “Get back to your book” signs all over the house.
Did I call my hairdresser? No – that would have led to an appointment for another day, which would mean I’d have to return to my computer and finish the damned scene. Instead, I reached for a pair of scissors.
I thought I planned it out nicely. I combed out a patch of locks at the front of my head and separated it from the rest. I pulled it snug to keep it in place. I opened the scissors just below the spot I wanted my bangs to hang (i.e., covering the wrinkly forehead and eyebrow arches). But I didn’t account for the poofyness of hair. When you pull it down in front of your face and hold it tight to cut a straight line across, it poofs up much MUCH shorter than expected. And the result is something like this:
“That was a bad idea,” I said aloud the moment I saw what I’d done. I cracked up for a bit – because it is the sort of haircut only created by five-year-olds or desperately procrastinating writers. But I stopped laughing when I remembered that it’s almost Christmas and I’m about to visit friends and family I haven’t seen for ages, and they are all going to take one look at me and wonder how I managed to mangle my bangs so badly without even hiding my eyebrows or wrinkles.
I tried tucking it behind my ears — worse. I tried a pony tail –much worse. I tried a hairband — truly moronic. And of course I snipped at the bangs hoping they might morph into beauty — not.
Finally I hit upon a solution: my husband’s hair gel. Ah, back to normal (with a whole hour wasted!).
Now you can barely tell that I have bangs. True, my forehead looks extremely wrinkled an my eyebrows look perpetually surprised, but at least I do not look like my youngest son cut my hair for free.
And hey, I came out of the whole thing with a stocking stuffer to add to my wish list: hair gel. Plus I milked the episode not only for its own waste of time, but for the additional procrastination value of writing about it on this blog.
A procrastination risk well taken, I’d say.
If you’ve ever done moronic things while trying to avoid writing your book, I’d love to hear about them.
Merry Christmas.
3 Comments on “Stupid Procrastination Attempts”
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Catherine Austen writes books for kids and teens, short stories for adults, and reports for corporate clients. She lives in Gatineau, Quebec.
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Catherine Austen 
Too funny! But doesn’t look bad. Hope you have a great Christmas. And get that scene written.
Happy New Year, Catherine.
You’ve made me laugh out loud again.
Not, you know, at the photos or anything like that of course, but at, well…
okay, that first photo is pretty hilarious. Still, I honestly think that, if you were smiling or laughing, you could make the “Prince Valiant look” work for you.
Thanks for the shared procrastination, extended now through typing this and prolonged wishing that I could write as well as you.
John
it tickled my funny bone, i came across almost the same incident because of procrastination. you can check it on my blog.